a poor choice

Did anyone else catch Matt Lauer calling Alberto Gonzalez a "pinata"? Why couldn't he have said punching bag???

courtesy of mcsweeny's

Who Said It:
Vice President
Dick Cheney or
Phil Leotardo From
The Sopranos?

BY BENJAMIN FREED

- - - -

1. "Except for the occasional heart attack, I never felt better."

2. "You sound like a damn politician with all these excuses."

3. "What can you do—throw money at the problem?"

4. "He's never won anything, as best I can tell."

5. "Next time, there won't be a next time."

6. "You couldn't fuckin' retire?"

7. "Principle is OK up to a certain point, but principle doesn't do any good if you lose."

8. "First off, it wasn't an offer. It's my position."

9. "Everyone knows that you're not really a man unless you own a gun."

10. "I'll take that Discman and I'll ram it up your box."

11. "You want compromise?"

12. "Go fuck yourself."

- - - -

Dick Cheney: 1, 2, 4, 7, 9, 12

Phil Leotardo: 3, 5, 6, 8, 10, 11

august photos!

arrrgghhh!

We just bought a house, as anyone who reads this might know. I found out today that there are roots growing into the pipes of the house, causing my toilet to repeatedly overflow and not allowing me to do laundry. We also found out that this isn't covered by our home warranty because NOTHING IS COVERED BY OUR HOME WARRANTY. Just to look at the pipe with a camera is going to cost nearly $300. I am happy to have this house, but I just feel as though I can't get ahead. I barely can get everything put away, let alone get to work on the outside of the house, where there are spiders, bricks, stones, planks of wood, and piles of leaves EVERYWHERE. I mean, I can't even do laundry or flush my toilet downstairs. I know I'm whining. I know there are people that don't even have toilets they can't flush. But if they did have one, trust me, they'd want to flush it.

chaos

I'm sitting at a dining room table right now. Here are just a few of the items that litter its surface: a bottle of acetaminophen, Cinderella stickers, a garbage bin, a Valentin'es project Ben completed months ago, a set of Allen wrenches, a lampshade. The lampshade used to be attached to a lamp that Ben threw on the ground this morning to protest his time out. He seems to like our new house to a degree, but something has gone haywire in his brain, and he can't sleep and he breaks things and screams and acts like a maniac. He's sweet and loving and funny in between his mental breakdowns, which gets us through the day. But we don't look forward to nighttime. We know we won't sleep.

And Elliott? He doesn't care about the move. He's doing just fine. Today I was rubbing his belly and he was smiling at me and you seemed so mellow and peaceful and comfortable with the world and I thought, I hope you aren't as intense as I am. I hope you escaped that, kid. Because I know Ben didn't.

I am tired from all of the moving and cleaning, but the house is getting there. And though we are overwhelmed, we are happy to be here. We've lived in 8 different places in the last 7 years, and I am ready to stop moving. I want to be here for a long time.

I'm not ph-fat; I'm fat like Mr. Belvedere...it sucks.

elliott is four months old!

Hi Elliott,
You are four months old. Well, you have been for a couple of days now. You are a sweet little baby who can almost roll over now. When you wake up, you keep your eyes closed and cry and then when you finally open them, you look into my face and smile as though I am the most wonderful magician who has performed a magnificent trick. I haven't. I'm just me. But you don't know that yet.

I am looking forward to seeing your personality develop and to watching you start scooting around the house. We are moving next week, so you will have a new house to scoot around in soon. You won't even remember this place and it's crickets that have returned to take over my life, and the bees that hump in the kitchen window and the spiders that hang over my bed. We could ask the landlords to call an exterminator, but they haven't fixed the dishwasher in five months, so the liklihood they will fix the problem is quite low.

We will soon be in a house that we won't have to move away from (assuming we pay the mortgage), and I can't wait.

i feel...

like crap. I feel lonely and depressed and I don't know why. I don't want to talk to anyone about it, but I know that I have to. My eyes are welling up as I write this, I am that pathetic right now.

Off of the subject of what a big loser I am: Benjamin put chapstick on Ryan's nipple today.

bridget and eric's wedding

at home...it's too hot to go outside