the crazy one and the worried one

Elliott will not let me hold his hand as he crosses the very unstable bridge at the park. My biggest fear was that he would fall through the side and land headfirst on the wood chips, which are a considerable amount of feet below. This fear was realized yesterday--he fell and slipped right through the side of the bridge head first, landing on his face. I tried to catch him, but my arms moved too slowly. I scooped him up to comfort him, aware of the eyes of the entire playground on me, the mother who couldn't catch her baby, or at least get him to hold her hand. But Elliott didn't want me. He pushed away from me, stopped crying, and climbed right back up. He continued to not allow me to hold my hand, screaming at me every time I tried. Elliott doesn't care about consequences. He will walk into to something, fall down, get up, and walk into it again. Why does this worry me? OH YEAH. All of the dangers that lay ahead of him in life.

Ben is on the other extreme. While his little brother is diving off the bridge, he is cautiously crossing the little toadstool things at the park, slowly moving from one to the other, clutching onto Ryan the whole time. Last night, he asked me why his aunt and uncle couldn't live with us. I told him we didn't have any room. He asked me why I couldn't buy a room. I said it didn't work like that. I told him that all his aunts and uncles and his grandma and grandpa have their own houses. "When you get bigger, you'll have your own house too," I said. He likes to tell me that he will have a job (teaching writing with Ryan) and a car of his own one day, but he didn't like to hear about this house he would have. "I don't want my own house," he said. "I want to live with you, Mom." Just about made me cry.

This will not be cute when he is 25, but it is extremely cute right now. I hate that one day he won't always want me to scratch his back or hold his hand or read him Care Bear books (thanks, Bridge!).