Wednesday, February 28, 2007

he knows...

Two days ago, Ben threw his smoothie into the baby bassinet and clapped for himself. When I told him "No," he threw his blocks on the floor, screamed, and then kissed me on the mouth.

He sits in his old bouncy seat nearly every day, and he's been trying to climb into the bassinet, despite the consequence of a time out. When I read him his "I'm a Big Brother" book, he turns the pages quickly so the story is over, then hits the book so that it falls onto the floor. He still loves the alphabet book, except for the letter "B," which features a photograph of a baby. "B is for baby," I tell him. He turns the page.

Many people, people who must have forgotten what it was like or who had more mild-mannered children, tell me that Ben will love being a big brother, that he will share and coddle the new addition. These are the people who didn't tell me how painful breastfeeding is or how desperately tired I would be when I had Benjamin, people who only remember the good and who are in denial about the bad.

"No he won't," I want to tell them, but they look so hopeful and happy. I don't want to ruin it. So instead I say, "I hope so." And I do. I really do.

But I'm not counting on it.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

to elliott

Hi Elliott,
This post is for you. I want to tell you a little bit about your older brother. Benjamin has already slept in your bassinet and bounced in your seat. He's the first kid, and I have a feeling he's going to find a way of constantly letting you know this. Which is why I haven't put up your swing yet. Because Benjamin will think it is for him. Because everything is for him.

No matter how many times I point at my stomach and say, look there's a baby in there, Benjamin just really doesn't seem to care. I want so badly for you two to be friends and get along. I know you will fight, but I want you to love each other and share things. This doesn't seem to happen often in families. It didn't happen in my family. But maybe I can make things better.

I don't think anyone would have children if they didn't think they could make things better. It's probably a foolish thing to try and do, but at least I'm not alone.

why i love redlands...

Where else do you get to see a Mormon missionary popping a wheelie on a bicycle as you drive home from the grocery store?

Sunday, February 04, 2007

the last six weeks

I'm so tired of being pregnant. I tripped and fell in Barnes and Noble this morning, and I'm pretty sure I broke my toe. I'm hugely fat. Everything hurts.

Friday, February 02, 2007

ben's teeth

We took Ben to the dentist this week. We already knew that two of his bottom teeth were fused together. However, we now know that although he is supposed to have four bottom teeth, he has three, two that are fused together and one really big tooth. This comes from my side of the family. Ben, you don't look like me. But you got my teeth. Hey, maybe you'll get my eyesight, too. You're very welcome.

dustbuster 15.6

That's right; 15.6 volts, baby. And those volts have changed my life. Is that sad?