Wednesday, November 23, 2005

the most handsome boy Posted by Picasa

playing...with a washcloth and a lid Posted by Picasa

i used to suck my thumb with my blankie EXACTLY like this...only i still did it when i was 7 Posted by Picasa

on the loose! Posted by Picasa

through the woods

Last week, I felt like my responsibilities had their hands on my rib cage and were crushing my bones into my lungs. In other words, I felt like I couldn't breathe. But this week, everything is much, much better. Perhaps it is the prospect of two Thanksgiving meals tomorrow that has got me forgetting my troubles and deciding which Thanksgiving outfit will allow me the maximum amount of expansion room without needing to unzip.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

I think I had me a panic attack today.

About halfway through the day, I was sitting in my office when I noticed tingling in my left hand up through the arm. I felt sick to my stomach and my heart was beating quickly. But what was most scary was the uncontrollable urge to cry and the feeling that I was detached from myself, that I was watching myself interact with people all day long, seeing myself respond to emails from my students, observing myself laugh a hollow laugh. I don’t know if I’m tired, depressed or what. I don’t really know how to explain it. Benjamin can’t sleep, and he doesn’t seem to be getting better to me. I want him to feel better. I want to feel better. I want Ryan to feel better. None of us is doing very well right now.

Friday, November 11, 2005

i love this damn kid so much...

Ben got a stuffed dog for his birthday from my parents that is literally 3 or 4 feet long. Every morning and after each of his naps and before bed, he smiles at the dog, moans something nonsensical, smiles ecstatically and throws himself onto it with glee. It probably the sweetest thing I've ever seen.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

what you've taken from me...

I know I'm supposed to bask in the glorious glow of motherhood and all that, but yesterday I went to the dentist, and the dentist had something to say: I have 7 cavities. "You want to see the hole in your molar?" he asked me. I gave him the same answer I gave the nurse who asked, "You want to see the baby coming out?" NO THANK YOU. I have a huge hole in my tooth from which gases are apparently escaping. I may need a root canal, which means they will dig in my tooth with a sharp tool and kill the nerve. Isn't that lovely. I asked the dentist why I suddenly have so many problems. It is true that I haven't had insurance for a while and therefore haven't been to the dentist in quite some time, but when I was a kid we neither went to the dentist nor brushed our teeth and I only had 2 cavities the first time I went. The dentist informed me that when I was pregnant, Benjamin stripped my body of its nutrients, and I therefore have tons of cavities. You'd think when I got home that Ben would apologize for stripping my body of nutrients. But I've got a surprise for you...he didn't.

Not only did Ben not thank me or Ryan yesterday for the enormous sacrifices we have made, but he decided last night was the night to scream like a maniac for twelve straight hours. I'm not exaggerating. He screamed all night last night. Is he sick? No. Is he teething? Perhaps. Did he need to be changed? No. Hungry? No? Then, what the hell is your problem, kid? Ryan and I literally got MAYBE 2 hours of sleep last night.

Most kids outgrow this.

I thought you had.

What happened?

What am I doing wrong?

Please, please, please, please sleep, kid. You made me cry last night, and it wasn't the first time. And maybe I'm selfish because I don't have that many problems, or tons of adopted kids. I don't live in India am I'm not missing an eye. But all I can think about is sleep. I just want to sleep.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

the happiest halloween monkey Posted by Picasa

happy halloween! Posted by Picasa

grandma and grandpa dressed like teachers! Posted by Picasa

ben and me Posted by Picasa

the boys Posted by Picasa

ben meets a friend Posted by Picasa

creepy... Posted by Picasa

harry and his bitches Posted by Picasa

mingling Posted by Picasa

harry gone wild Posted by Picasa

who the hell is this guy? Posted by Picasa

harry and his pirate friend Posted by Picasa

liquored up! Posted by Picasa

a drunken monster mash Posted by Picasa

a giant robot built by an overzealous neighbor Posted by Picasa

daddy had to go to work... Posted by Picasa

business as usual Posted by Picasa

let the fun begin Posted by Picasa

harry puts a spell on abe, again Posted by Picasa

the gettysburg drag Posted by Picasa