Tuesday, November 15, 2005
I think I had me a panic attack today.
About halfway through the day, I was sitting in my office when I noticed tingling in my left hand up through the arm. I felt sick to my stomach and my heart was beating quickly. But what was most scary was the uncontrollable urge to cry and the feeling that I was detached from myself, that I was watching myself interact with people all day long, seeing myself respond to emails from my students, observing myself laugh a hollow laugh. I don’t know if I’m tired, depressed or what. I don’t really know how to explain it. Benjamin can’t sleep, and he doesn’t seem to be getting better to me. I want him to feel better. I want to feel better. I want Ryan to feel better. None of us is doing very well right now.