santa

It would have been a lot less unsettling if Santa hadn't stayed in character. As we waited for the photo girl to gear up for the shoot, Santa told us that he had almost been stabbed one Christmas. "What do you want for Christmas?" he asked Ben, pausing mid-story. "A green present," Ben replied. Santa told us that green slime makes him slip when he comes down the chimney. He then continued with his stabbing story. He almost got a knife between the ribs, apparently, but his guards protected him and he got away by sliding down a chimney. Of course. "Scary, huh?" he asked. Scary indeed.

What makes a man want to be Santa Claus? You'd like to think that they are all just philanthropists at heart, that nothing makes them happier than to make a child smile, to make his or her eyes twinkle with Christmas magic. Maybe there are a few Santas out of the thousands who genuinely feel this way. But I can't help but think that the rest of them must be lonely old pedophiles or ex-cons putting in some community service hours. You have to make yourself not think about it for too long...