guess who's one! (hint: it's not me.)

What kind of mom writes about her only son's first birthday the day after it happens, with NO CAKE PICTURES to top it all off? Ding, ding, ding!!! It's the same mom whose debt collectors are calling her grandma in suburban Ohio!!! Benjamin turned one yesterday! And what a fine one-year-old he was. He and I went around town yesterday buying supplies for the big party this weekend, and aside from secretly disposing of the "I'm one" party hat I made him wear in Target(thanks Jill and Bridge!), he was quite the baby genius. One-year-olds get free birthday cakes at Stater Brothers. (I put in a request for 26-year-olds getting a free one too, but they didn't seem to think that was as cute.) So I took Ben to the store (without the damn hat) and got him some cake. After dinner, we let him take his first bite of chocolate cake. At first he timidly poked the little frosted heap in front of him. So I put out a little more. Before I knew it, he grabbed the entire cube--a fistful of cake--and shoved it into his mouth. Unsmiling, breathing hard, he devoured the whole thing, down to the crumbs. He was strangely intense and showed no outward signs of enjoying himself, but nothing could distract him from his purpose. When he was finished, he grabbed either side of the high chair tray and began licking the actual crumb-stuck tray. He then licked his arms, hands, his sippy cup, his t-shirt and everything else that had crumbs on it. He had crumbs all over his face, in his hair, on his elbows, on his thighs, in his ears. Benjamin had baby crack (sugar), and he loved it.

A year ago, this day seemed so far away, almost impossible, and now it is here. Ben's on the verge of walking. He says ma-ma and ga-gee (dad) and ba-ba (everything else). He tries to stick his fingers in light sockets, and he can climb stairs and scare cats. He loves Weebles, and he hordes them like a greedy rich man hordes gold coins. I can only vaguely remember the horrible pain of giving birth and I can actually imagine going through it all over again. We are such strange creatures, capable of handing more than we ever thought we could. Weirdly, I am almost more proud of Ryan and me on Ben's birthday than I am of Ben. We did it. We're still alive. We sleep sometimes. We love this beautiful boy more than anything, and he makes us happier than anything, and the idea of having so many years ahead of us with him makes us ecstatic. When I doubt myself, I know I have Ryan and now Ben, an official toddler. And they are what matter most.