the mayor of loser town

What makes me an official loser? My 88-year-old grandma who lives in Ohio sent a birthday card along for Ben with a check for $5. She also sent a note to say her leg was giving her pain, and that she was happy to hear from me. Oh...and that a debt collector called looking for me. She lives on a street named Johnnycake Lane, for Christ's sake! Can't they leave her alone?! Anyway, that's what makes me an official loser; debt collection vultures are hunting down my grandmother, and it is so depressing.