Sunday, May 13, 2007

mother's day...

It hasn't ever been my favorite holiday, but now that I am a mother, it is growing on me...I had a nice, relaxing day today. Ryan bought me a gift certificate to get a pedicure, which I'm severely in need of. Ryan's family made breakfast for the moms, and then we took the boys home, and we all laid down and took naps. (Except for Ryan, who cleaned the bathrooms, because he is amazing.) After their naps, Elliott smiled and tried to poop all day, and Benjamin danced and watched his Mickey and the Muskateers video. I love my boys so much that I can't describe it. No matter how annoyed and tired I get, I feel so lucky and proud that they are mine. I want to love them so much more and so much better than I was.

I try not to let my parents' selfishness and unravelling marriage have an effect on me. But because I'm a mother, because I was once as vulnerable and confused as my little brother and sister are now, because I see what they are doing to their children, it makes me very sad. This is something I try not to think about all of the time. This is not an easy thing to do.

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