Saturday, September 06, 2008

1 year closer to 30

Yesterday was my birthday. I know this makes no sense, but usually my birthdays fall on Tuesday, but this year it fell on a Friday, and we made the most of it! We dropped off the kids at Aunt Alice's and we went to Disneyland! I felt a little twinge of guilt but let me tell you it was so nice to stroll through Disneyland without a care in the world. I have so much fun with the kids there, but it is a little bit like going to war with all of the supplies and planning and marching and retreating. It was just the two of us and there were barely any people there. We even went on Space Mountain three times. And I don't know if it is the fact that I lost 12 pounds or cut some obligations out of my life or Elliott became a toddler instead of a baby or a combination, but I have felt strangely at peace with things and it is terrifyingly delicious. Because I never feel like this. Ever. I'm even okay with the fact that my laundry is unfolded and sitting on the ottoman behind me. Sure, I'm still thinking about it, and it kind of bugs me, but I realize that it is just laundry and I can do it tomorrow and no one is going to come over to my house and judge me. And if they do, they can go fuck themselves. The unfolded laundry will not harm my family and everything will be okay. I had noticed that I was strangely calm these past few weeks, and I really don't know what happened. It's like the anxiety switch went off in me, and instead of just getting by during the day I'm actually enjoying each day and I feel ridiculously happy, happier than I have felt in a long time. In the back of my mind, I am terrified that this happiness will inevitably be destroyed by something horrible, but I'm trying not to let that old friend of mine take over. I'm trying to enjoy this, this strange new Angela. Happy 29, old friend. (When you turn 29, you talk about yourself in the 3rd person.)

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