insomnia, anxiety, hope

I know it's been awhile. Stop looking at me like that. I already feel guilty. So I awoke at 3:17 a.m. this morning and my mind began assualting me with "what ifs" and "to dos" and I could not go back to sleep until I had created an Excel spreadsheet the possibilities. I am not exaggerating.

Here's what's going on. Elliott is in an okay preschool with pretty good teachers and curriculum. He is happy and learning. However, his program is called an inclusion program, which means he should be with typically developing kids. The reason Elliott would benefit from this is 1) it's the law and 2) he does very well with watching and adopting more typical social skills from neurotypical kids. He does it with Ben all of the time. He went to a regular preschool for two years and did it there as well. At the same time, he needs the supports in place to help facilitate his goals, and this is why he needs to be in a special education program. An inclusion program offers both the support and the learning from typical peers. Redlands said they were giving him that but they didn't--all of the kids in his class have some sort of deficit, and many have more serious conditions. This is not an inclusion program.

So a friend and advocate told me that I can possibly establish district residency where I work and after a lot of back and forth with that district, on Monday, I have an observation at one of the most cutting edge special education inclusion preschools in the state. If we decide to move Elliott there, my schedule and his schedule will go all to hell. I will have to find someone to help me transport him to and from a school 35 miles away from our home. I'll have little time to work around that schedule. I'll need to devise Excel spreadsheets and worry late into the night. He'll likely have to attend a few meetings with me at work. He'll have to adjust to a new school with new kids and a new teacher. But it will be worth it. That kid is on the cusp of getting to where he needs to go; he just needs a great program to get him there. I hope this one is it.

update

I drafted a Mother's Day post that I never finished, but I just want to say that my husband and family made it a really wonderful, relaxing day. The kids' behavior started out a little rocky (it's a Mother's Day tradition!), but they were really sweet the rest of the day, and Elliott's social skills are just blossoming at a crazy rate. Thank you to Ryan for making it such a happy day.

It's almost the end of the school year for all of us. We have made the decision to take Elliott out of preschool until he starts up his new preschool program with the school district in August. We are going to put him in social skills classes and an autism speech and fun day camp and possibly music or tumbling classes. He'll also still have speech therapy, occupational therapy, and ABA. We are going to work hard to keep up a routine for him, but we also want time together as a family to do family crap like going to museums and the beach, etc. Elliott's social and speech skills have been on fast forward this week. He's asking kids to play with him at school, talking in crazy long sentences, articulating like a madman. It's amazing how quickly he develops skills once he gets the hang of them.

Speaking of family crap, etc., I have to volunteer at the PTA carnival at Ben's school tonight (at the exact time the Rapture is supposed to strike). I fully expect to be pressured to join the PTA for that hour when I am hosting a booth. When the PTA gets you in their clutches, they never let you go. Don't get me wrong; I'm happy to volunteer in Ben's class and contribute and all of that, and I do, but I simply do not have the time or inclination to join the PTA. Ben's also going to be in "Billy Goat's Gruff" the play at the end of the year. His teacher asked him to try out for the lead--the troll--but he would rather be one of the 12 rabbits. That's just how Ben rolls. He has no desire to be the center of attention. I can't wait to see this play.

I'm so grateful I have a job that is so flexible and has allowed us to keep up with Elliott's insane therapy/dr. appt. schedule while working full time. I'm so grateful that I get to be off for 8 weeks this summer to rest and enjoy my family. I'm also planning to write this summer--I have 3 feasible projects in mind, and I'm going to be making a schedule for myself so I can stay on track.

My plan is to wait until the Rapture doesn't strike, and then I'll grade those stacks and stacks of papers. And then...summer! Holla!