Thursday, September 08, 2011

insomnia, anxiety, hope

I know it's been awhile. Stop looking at me like that. I already feel guilty. So I awoke at 3:17 a.m. this morning and my mind began assualting me with "what ifs" and "to dos" and I could not go back to sleep until I had created an Excel spreadsheet the possibilities. I am not exaggerating.

Here's what's going on. Elliott is in an okay preschool with pretty good teachers and curriculum. He is happy and learning. However, his program is called an inclusion program, which means he should be with typically developing kids. The reason Elliott would benefit from this is 1) it's the law and 2) he does very well with watching and adopting more typical social skills from neurotypical kids. He does it with Ben all of the time. He went to a regular preschool for two years and did it there as well. At the same time, he needs the supports in place to help facilitate his goals, and this is why he needs to be in a special education program. An inclusion program offers both the support and the learning from typical peers. Redlands said they were giving him that but they didn't--all of the kids in his class have some sort of deficit, and many have more serious conditions. This is not an inclusion program.

So a friend and advocate told me that I can possibly establish district residency where I work and after a lot of back and forth with that district, on Monday, I have an observation at one of the most cutting edge special education inclusion preschools in the state. If we decide to move Elliott there, my schedule and his schedule will go all to hell. I will have to find someone to help me transport him to and from a school 35 miles away from our home. I'll have little time to work around that schedule. I'll need to devise Excel spreadsheets and worry late into the night. He'll likely have to attend a few meetings with me at work. He'll have to adjust to a new school with new kids and a new teacher. But it will be worth it. That kid is on the cusp of getting to where he needs to go; he just needs a great program to get him there. I hope this one is it.


Kristy Geffen said...

Hi Angela--Some of my most important tasks take place in the "witching hour"... if I can't do what needs to be done in the daylight hours, I'll sure as hell get it done when it becomes a prerequisite for sleep. I'll bet the L.A. Museum of Modern Art would pay good money for that spreadsheet.

You work so passionately for your sons to get their needs met and their hearts happy. I'm really sorry that you also have to work so hard to ensure that Elliott's education draws his sweet self out into his community, especially when all that this requires of a school is that they follow the law. Your boys will always feel how fiercely you love them and how completely you value them.

I look forward to getting to know both of their growing personalities when we're able to coordinate a visit. I'm thinking of you and sending my support while you find a preschool worthy of all that Elliott has to share. Love!

angela said...

Thanks, Kristy. I think about you guys every day and I'm so excited to meet that beautiful little baby. We love and miss you very much.