ben is SO over isaac mizrahi and i should be making bottles right now

Mary, Ben and I made a little venture to Target yesterday. Our plan was to take Ben on a stroll, makes some purchases, and enjoy the beautiful Sunday afternoon. Unfortunately, only 30 minutes into our trip, Ben had a meltdown. He threw his pacifier, his teether ball and his plastic ring onto the floor. He tried to twist out of the stroller. We ran into some family friends who'd never met Ben before, and, of course, Ben was completely unpleasant, prompting one of the family friends to ask, "Is he a happy baby?" "No," I replied without hesitation. What does that mean, is he happy? He began to cry hysterically in the women's shoe aisle. I fed him (only an hour after he'd last eaten, mind you) and he eagerly gulped down a bottle then smiled at Mary as if nothing had ever happened, as if minutes ago strangers hadn't been staring at me as though I had just finished beating him. The shopping trip continued, and Ben spiralled downward, unsatisfied by my attempts to bounce him and/or give him his pacifier. As we made our way to the front of the store, Ben squirming in my arms and fake coughing, I noticed that every other baby in the entire store was happy except for mine. By the time we got to the parking lot, Ben was screaming, tearful and redfaced. As we packed him and all of our purchases into the car, Mary pointed to another baby who appeared to be crying. "See," she said. "He's not the only one." On closer examination, however, that little girl was laughing. Of course she was.

On another note....

Memo to everyone I come into contact with:

Item 1: Don't tell me my problems are "chick problems." I don't trivialize your problems by saying they are "guy problems."

Item 2: If I tell you not to feed my baby animal crackers, don't let me catch you, a mere 40 minutes later, feeding my (toothless) baby animal crackers.

Item 3: If you visit me, pretend like you are interested in my baby. In case you didn't notice, he is endlessly fascinating, intelligent and beautiful.