how dial-up is ruining my life

Oh I've got memories. And I've got stories to tell. But....I....just....can't....tell....them....to....you because I'm stuck in SLOOOOOOWWWWWW dial-up hell. Dial-up internet should be illegal. It was definitely not created for Type A personalities. We moved last week, and I have been subjected to a week of dial-up, and as I sat there setting up the online class I teach in slow motion the other day, the thought crossed my mind that it would really be so much easier to just end my life there instead of waiting for the slower, less efficient death that would surely come to me as I waited for question #3 on quiz #2 to finally be accepted by Blackboard. I'm on someone else's computer right now, and I never want to leave. High speed internet is just so right. And natural. And American.