Sunday, August 07, 2005

To Ben, on his ten-month birthday

Dear Benjamin Ian,

Yesterday was your cousin Ian's twenty-seventh birthday. Ian grew up with your daddy and passed away last year just three weeks before you were born. There is a picture of Ian and Ryan when they were little boys. They are conked out next to each other, worn out from reading the book that lies next to them, wearing underwear and nothing else. They must have been only four years old. And this picture is so sweet, and now so sad, that I can't think about it without crying.

You were born right after Ian died, and we named you after him because you will always remind us of that time. We will always wonder if there isn't just the tiniest bit of Ian's spirit in you. And sometimes, when you are squinting out in the sun, we can clearly see him in your expression. However much of this is true, you will always remind us of all of the good that was in Ian, all of that sweetness. I think about that picture of Ian as a little boy, and I think about you, and I can't imagine the loss that Ian's parents feel. Sometimes it is so scary to love you so much.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Angela,you have such a haunting way with words. You have captured the essence of Ian and the beauty of life that is in our little Benjamin. Thank you so much for being such a huge part of our lives. Love,Jim

Anonymous said...

I love you Ang...

Anonymous said...

Jillian